Within Song of Solomon are eight ingredients of a Happy Marriage. We will look at those and see if we can apply them to our marriage.

1. She is a romantic wife. Positive, idealistic, optimistic. Looks at her lover through rose colored glasses.

2. She is full of lighthearted fun, companionship. Sometimes we are too intense, too business-like, over worked. We crowd out romance simply because we are too busy for it. In Song of Solomon, both parties could have had great responsibility. We know he did as he was a king, but they found time for carefree escape and a childlike ability to delight in little things.

3. Verbal expression of love and admiration. Compliment your husband often.

4. Complete acceptance of mate as he is. Don’t make him over. This is a fast way to take romance out of marriage.

5. Habit of viewing your husband as your lover. Gives meaning to the other roles he must be.

6. Couple had a healthy attitude toward sex. It was mutually enjoyed. She desired him as much as he desired her.

7. Enjoyment of nature – out of doors. Enjoying God’s creation together. How about one beautiful day, play hooky and go on a picnic.

8. They had young vibrant spirits – alive – alert and it wasn’t a question of age. An aging spirit, even if you are under 25, can make you tired and bored with everything. Can’t feel romantic about a woman who is feeling old and weary. God doesn’t want us to feel that way. In John 10:10 it says, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

I want to give you a challenge: Ask God to help you put some romance into your marriage!

Put some thought and effort into doing something romantic and creative yourself.

Be aware that you may be hurt or rejected. But you give that to the Lord also. Run the risk. Tears are OK.

I want for each of you to experience what I am experiencing right now. I have gone through the busy, hard time of raising children and now am left with my lover. We enjoy every minute we are together. He has always felt Friday nights were our date nights, and continues to do so. It seems every meal is special. In the summer we love to eat each meal outside on the deck, amidst the flowers. We just love reading by the fire, sharing our lives. He isn’t a great one for bringing flowers or gifts but he does sweet spontaneous things I just love. Yesterday he came into the kitchen from an errand and said, “Woman, get on your shoes, I am taking you out for a Frappachino.” Might not seem romantic to some but I loved it. Then today, as I am re-writing this lesson, he came in holding a big bunch of pussy willows saying, “These are for my darling.” Now he probably won’t bring me flowers on Valentine’s Day, but this spontaneous gift, knowing how I love those first pussy willows means more to me that two dozen roses ever could.

Many years ago Becky and I gave a talk on Romantic Marriage at Covenant Beach. Looking over those notes was fun as it was probably at least 15 years ago, and I am feeling the same way now as I did then, even perhaps more so.

Then I said, “I think I have a wonderful marriage. Many people looking at it might say, ‘Boy what a boring life. They don’t belong to any social clubs, they rarely go places, do anything interesting anyway, don’t have company very often and never what you might call a party’.” But to me it is not boring. Everyday is a new adventure and I wouldn’t trade my life or my husband for anything I could dream up.

I say, Amen to that today. Now at ages 71 and 73 we see many friends losing their spouses. That makes us treasure our life and our time together even more.

Perhaps 30 years ago I was asked to give a talk about marriage to a dorm group at PLU. Several years later one of the girls told me that because of my talk she had decided to marry her husband. She said she was worried that the ‘romance’ would leave and that she wouldn’t be so excited about him after awhile. She said when I told them that I got excited when I heard his truck come in the driveway, she decided that perhaps it would last. I have to laugh because we probably had been married 20 years then and it seemed a long time to her. Now we are married 51 years and I still get excited when his car pulls in and I hear the garage door go up, or when I see him across the room.

I base my teaching on Titus 2:3-5 which says in part, “train the young women to love their husbands…” I love that because it implies that it does not just come naturally but might need a little training.

But I think going a step further, I think wives sometimes need to “train” their husbands as to what they really want. They are not mind readers. What made their mothers happy, might not be the thing that makes you happy. Remember Valentines Day, and your Wedding Anniversary are a two way street. What are you going to do to show him you love him on Valentine’s Day, and on your “mutual” anniversary. It is so sad to see a pitiful wife, with a hangdog expression saying, “He didn’t remember…etc” Why don’t you remind him?

I shall close with Ruth Bell Graham’s “Train Our Love”

Train our love

that it may grow

Slowly…..deeply…..steadily;

til our hearts will overflow

unrestrained and readily.

Discipline it too

dear God;

strength of steel

throughout the whole.

Teach us patience,

thoughtfulness,

tenderness, and

self-control.

Deepen it

throughout the years,

age and mellow it

until,

time that finds us

old without,

within,

will find us

lovers still.